Alone

God, where are you? I feel so alone. So broken. I just want to die. I am so bitter. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to put any effort forth. I just want to crawl into my bed and die. What do you want from me? Where am I going? What plans do you have for me? What the hell am I doing with my life? Am I doing this all wrong? Why can't I feel you? Why can't I see you or hear you? Where are you to swoop down and save the day?

Why does this crush me so much? Why can't I move on? Why am I holding myself back? Is this in your plans? What's the good of all this? I've tried so hard to keep a positive attitude, to give you the benefit of the doubt, and to be obedient to you. I thought my heart was changing, but what I feel now is nothing near you. Show yourself! All powerful? All knowing? Loving? Where? How?