Part of me thinks I need to just force myself to move on and let go of the thought of the possibility of us getting together, because I look at myself, my life, and my relationship with God, and I see the fact that I need to grow a lot. But I also can't help but think that I still love her. I don't want to move on. I want to spend my life with her. I get mad at God and others when they are happy in their relationships. I don't have that anymore, and I want it. But I don't want it with another person. I want it with her.
--Have you closed the door to "us"? Is there no hope for us? Am I just beating myself up by continuing to hold on to this hope? Or are you thinking the same way that I am?
I read this today. Makes me think that God is trying to tell me that she made the right decision in ending our relationship, even though it hurt (and continues to hurt) me a lot. She followed what she thought God's will was/is. I am the one who doesn't love Him as much, so it hurt me more. My plans were upset.
From "WHAT MY OBEDIENCE TO GOD COSTS OTHER PEOPLE" by Oswald Chambers
If we obey God it is going to cost other people more than it costs us, and that is where the sting comes in. If we are in love with our Lord, obedience does not cost us anything, it is a delight, but it costs those who do not love Him a good deal. If we obey God it will mean that other people's plans are upset, and they will gibe us with it - "You call this Christianity?" We can prevent the suffering; but if we are going to obey God, we must not prevent it, we must let the cost be paid.
Our human pride entrenches itself on this point, and we say - I will never accept anything from anyone. We shall have to, or disobey God. We have no right to expect to be in any other relation than our Lord Himself was in (see Luke 8:2-3).
Stagnation in spiritual life comes when we say we will bear the whole thing ourselves. We cannot. We are so involved in the universal purposes of God that immediately we obey God, others are affected. Are we going to remain loyal in our obedience to God and go through the humiliation of refusing to be independent, or are we going to take the other line and say - I will not cost other people suffering? We can disobey God if we choose, and it will bring immediate relief to the situation, but we shall be a grief to our Lord. Whereas if we obey God, He will look after those who have been pressed into the consequences of our obedience. We have simply to obey and to leave all consequences with Him.
Beware of the inclination to dictate to God as to what you will allow to happen if you obey Him.
