Wow. Wow! I am perplexed, breath-taken (if that's a word), befuddled, completely and utterly taken-aback, in shock. Completely unexpected. God, I did not expect this curveball AT ALL.
Is your timing that good? I am finally feeling content and confident in you, and where you have in life right now, and then you put this in my lap? What do you want me to do? I don't want to lose this opportunity to be with the girl I have loved for so long, but I am scared. More than that, I don't want to lose the faith and dependence I have on you, God. I don't want to lose who I am in you. Don't get me wrong, I love her; the thought of the opportunity to pursue life with her again gives chills to my soul, but I can't help but admit that I am scared. I am content where I am. I have a desire to pursue you, God, and to minister to younger guys, and and I haven't ever had this desire before; I don't want to lose it.
So what do you want? Because I think my flesh wants to be in a relationship with her again, but I don't know if I am ready. She is so "gung-ho" and I am hesitant. The fact that she broke up with J two weeks ago scares me. Are you sure? Have you had enough time being single? Enough time finding yourself in God? Have I had enough time? Are you sure in your mind and heart? Do you sincerely think it's God's will for us?
I am happy, but scared? God, I want what you want. Help me to stay disciplined to continue to seek you even amongst all these feelings about her. Help me to discipline myself to continue with quiet times, praying, journaling, etc. And give me an open mind and soft heart when listening to others' advice and counsel. I am scared. Comfort me, Comforter
