So Courtney and I just talked. Today she thought about what I brought up when we talked yesterday during our TAWG time on the picnic table. I brought up that I was questioning whether or not it was good for us to continue to hang out and talk regularly. I was and am worried that if we continue to talk it will cause us to continue to abide in each other and find comfort in each other instead of God.
She approached me with the initial thoughts that it’s not good to continue to hang out like we have been. She and I both aren’t sure what that means for us and our time here. Does it mean we ignore each other? Immediately my mind jumps to last summer when I was at Kodak and she was here at GMS. But that doesn’t necessarily mean it will be bad for me like this past summer, and it doesn’t necessarily mean it will be a good and growth-filled summer like she had last summer. I’m scared. I was just getting used to and comfortable with our “friendship.” I was regaining the hope for our relationship, and I was feeling right about being here at GMS. And when she talked about the possibility of having to ignore each other, my mind jumped to the thought that maybe I’m not supposed to be here and I should just go home so she can have a fun and growth-filled summer. But that could be deadly for me. If we aren’t talking AND we are ignoring each other, it’s hard for me to think that we have a hope for a future relationship. We wouldn’t be conversing, sharing, or keeping up with each other’s lives at all.
Maybe it could be good for us individually. Maybe I do need to keep an open mind to that possibility. My thoughts/feelings about this possibility seems to support that I want to be with her more than I want my (or her) relationship with God to improve. But I think I do genuinely want to be with her.
