The most pain I have ever experienced in my life. It’s been encouraging at times...my small group has been really great, very encouraging and supportive. It’s been fun with them too. But what shadows all those good things is the conglomeration of negative feelings: sadness, anger, despair, loneliness...
--God, through all of this experience I want to be able to trust in you that all things are working out for best according to your plan. I pray that she has been, is, and will continue to grow closer to you through all of this. I pray she can find all the things she longs for in you. I pray she becomes more ‘in-tune’ with the HS and how he works in our lives. I pray and hope this is best. I pray she isn’t too distracted or hindered by me. I pray her relationship with you becomes the foundation in her minute-to-minute life. That she knows she can run to you and she chooses to do so. And help me to acknowledge that fact that I cannot get or give myself faith. The HS does it. And I cannot change myself by my power or effort; I cannot rid sin from my life. I am unable. I am weak. I am full of sin and error. God do work in my heart and in my actions.
I'm in a constant battle of deciding whether or not I should contact (text) you. Because I desire so much to just have some contact with you. I want to be in your life. I want to encourage you. I want to be close to you. I want to love you. I just want to I can't stand being near you courtney. I absolutely hate being so close to you and yet infinitely distant. Whenever I see you I get so discouraged and full of despair
